


Cool in College

by jeremyhansen



Series: Seperation [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni
Genre: Established Relationship, Graduation au, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, ish, there's drama, there's not a lot of tags for this one??, this most likely will become a series, we'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 13:29:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21162419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeremyhansen/pseuds/jeremyhansen
Summary: Michael’s hand clenched the paper, wrinkling it.Jeremy was thinking of leaving.Leaving Michael behind.-Jeremy and Michael are cleaning out Jeremy's things before senior year when Michael finds something life altering.





	Cool in College

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy guess who’s back. I took a bit of a break because I was really busy with school and had writers block on top of it. But I’m here now!
> 
> Also, I know this isn’t the most original idea but I’m having my own issues with deciding on where to go for college and this was a bit therapeutic for me. I’m also thinking of having this be a series of one-shots/drabbles? Who knows.

Jeremy groaned as he lifted a large box onto his bed, Michael chuckling as he watched his boyfriend struggle. Jeremy let out a puff of air, blowing a stray hair out of his face.

He looked back at Michael. “Okay,” he started, “dad says this stuff has to be gone through by the time he gets home, so we should probably get a head start.”

Michael looked at the clock on Jeremy’s bedside table. 10:00 AM.

Michael was surprised they were even up this early. The boys were usually ones to sleep in, especially during the Summer. However, Jeremy had quite a bit to go through. This was only the first box, the rest scattered across the carpeted floor next to their feet.

When Jeremy had texted him last night  _ begging _ for his help, Michael just simply couldn’t say no. He just asked what Jeremy wanted from Mcdonalds for breakfast the next morning and said he would be there around 9:00.

The two dug into the box, pulling out things such as old pictures Jeremy had drawn and school projects. 

Jeremy made a face at a black frame he pulled out. “Ugh.” 

It was a picture of him from the second grade, hair wild and wearing a tie-dye shirt. He was also missing one of his teeth in the front.

Michael laughed, grabbing the frame from Jeremy’s hands. “Oh my God, I remember this! Jeremy, you  _ cannot _ toss this picture. I beg of you.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes. “I don’t care how much you beg, I’m burning it.” He grabbed the photo back from Michael, tossing it behind him.

Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy, burying his face in his neck. “Aw,  _ Jere-Bear _ ! You were just the cutest wittle kid!”

Jeremy was trying really hard not to laugh, shoving his boyfriend away. “Stop it, we’re done talking about it.” 

Michael just chuckled, getting back to work. Jeremy had his phone on his desk, playing some music in the background as they went through the box. They placed a few things such as some Star Wars action figures in the ‘keep’ pile while throwing some other items into the ‘get rid of at all costs’ pile such as Jeremy’s old boy scout hat. Jeremy had cut Michael off before he could make fun of him for still having it.

It took them about twenty minutes to move onto the second box, and another thirty to get to the third box. 

Jeremy was giggling at Michael putting on some old Mickey Mouse ears he had stashed away before he paused, just looking down at his hand in the box.

Michael’s smile dropped. “Jere?”

Jeremy pulled out another picture. However, instead of this one being an embarrassing school photo, it was a picture of himself and his mother. Jeremy looked about eight in the photo, his mom on her knees with her arms wrapped around her son as they both grinned at the camera. 

Michael didn’t know what to say. They usually avoided talking about Mrs.Heere, since it was a hard topic for both Jeremy and his father. Michael wrapped his arms around Jeremy’s middle, putting his head on Jeremy’s shoulder. “Jeremy…”

Jeremy didn’t say anything, putting it in the trash pile.

Michael sighed, shaking his head before kissing Jeremy’s cheek. “Wanna take a bit of a breather? We’ve been working for almost an hour.”

Jeremy just nodded, swallowing whatever feelings were coming up out of his throat. “Yeah. I’ll grab us some sodas?”

Michael grinned. “You’re the best. Pepsi please?”

“You got it.” Jeremy pressed a kiss to Michael’s cheek before heading out of his bedroom.

Michael sunk into one of Jeremy’s bean bag chairs, wiping the sweat from his forehead. It was hot outside, and Jeremy’s room wasn’t exactly well ventilated. He tapped his fingers on the chair, just looking around the room for a moment.

Jeremy’s room was a normal teenage boy’s room in many ways. Clothes on the floor instead of in his hamper, his sheets halfway off of his bed. The video game consoles they passed back and forth from each other's houses were hooked up under Jeremy’s TV, and water bottles were lined up on Jeremy’s bedside table.

However, there were things that made Jeremy’s room his own. He had posters up for a few bands and movies he liked, and pictures of Michael and Jeremy were placed upon his wall with tape. Michael’s favorite of the pictures was right in the center, one they had taken in a photobooth on their third official date.

Michael hopped up, walking over to Jeremy’s desk. He brushed off some dust on the surface, rolling his eyes. Jeremy needed to clean in here. He stacked some papers together that were spread all over the place. He then proceeded to drop them, cursing under his breath. 

Michael quickly bent down to get them, hoping he didn’t misplace anything that could be homework. He paused when he saw a bright, purple paper.

It was a college pamphlet. 

But the college was in California. 

Michael swore he felt his heart stop. What was this for? 

Well, obviously Michael knew  _ what it was for _ . But Jeremy hadn’t mentioned anything about being interested in a particular college. They had only talked about college in passing, as neither boy was sure in what exactly they wanted to do yet. It was only their junior year.

Well, the Summer of their junior year.

Michael’s hand clenched the paper, wrinkling it.

Jeremy was thinking of leaving.

While Michael stayed here. Alone.

Suddenly, the door opened again, and Michael quickly put the stack on top of Jeremy’s desk. Jeremy closed the door behind him with his foot, holding two Pepsi’s in his hands.

“One Pepsi for the cutest guy in the world.” Jeremy grinned, handing over the blue can. He seemed in a better mood, his mom pushed away from his mind. Michael smiled gratefully, trying not to show how shaken he was as he took the soda.

“Thanks babe,” he said simply, trying to look anywhere but Jeremy’s desk.

Jeremy fell back onto one of the bean bag chairs, sighing as he relaxed his body. Going through all those boxes was killing his neck, and he felt sweaty and maybe even a bit sticky. “How is it that I’m already so exhausted?”

Michael stood there for a moment as Jeremy opened his can, listening to the sizzle of the bubbles against the metal. 

Jeremy looked up after he took his first sip, eyeing his spaced out boyfriend. “Everything okay?”

The other boy almost jumped out of his skin, nodding quickly as he opened his own can. “Yeah, of course.” he sat next to Jeremy in the opposite bean bag. 

Jeremy knew he was lying, Michael wasn’t even drinking his Pepsi. He was just staring at it. 

Jeremy took the drink, putting it on the floor. He quirked a brow. “You’re lying.” He said simply. His tone wasn’t harsh, or accusatory. It was soft and curious. “What’s up?”

Michael shook his head. “Babe, it’s nothing.”

“Michael Mell.”

“We’re using full names now?” Michael asked, half teasing. He took a second when Jeremy didn’t respond, before sighing. He got up, going back to the desk. He pulled out the pamphlet, turning around and handing it to his boyfriend. “What’s this?” he asked quietly.

Jeremy looked it over before his blue eyes met Michael’s brown in confusion. “It’s a college pamphlet.” He said simply. “What’s wrong with it?”

Michael felt his whole body flare up. He couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle. “What’s wro-..? It’s in California, a five hour flight from here! What do you mean what’s wrong?”

Jeremy sighed. “Michael, come on. I just grabbed it at that college boothe thing at school.” he handed it back. “I wasn’t seriously looking at it.”

“Jeremy, there are only three pamphlets there. There is no way you weren’t thinking about it, or else it would’ve been thrown away by now and not under a stack of other papers.”

Jeremy ran a hand through his hair. “Okay, yeah, I was looking at their musical theatre program, alright? But you’re right, it’s too far away.” He got up, taking the pamphlet and throwing it away. “There. Out of sight, out of mind.” He walked back towards his bed, going through the box that was sitting there.

Michael frowned, just watching him. This made Jeremy tense up, before finally turning around. “What?”

“Why wouldn’t you at least tell me?”

Jeremy made an aggravated noise. “Michael, for real? It wasn’t anything serious. Why won’t you believe that?”

“Do you want to go out of state for college?”

“I don’t know.”

“I thought we were going to college together.”

“We are.”

“How are we supposed to do that if you want to go to California?”

“Michael!” Jeremy’s eyes were wide, fists clenched. “Oh my god! I don’t know! I don’t know anything, okay? I picked up the pamphlet because it seemed interesting, alright? And maybe I just wanted to look at something different! Can we please drop this?”

“No.” Michael shook his head. “You wanted something different? Jeremy, you’d be so far away! And even if you were just looking at it, you didn’t even tell me! I know we don’t have anything really planned out but I thought we were doing this together? How are we going to make this work if you’re on the other side of the country?”

Jeremy just stood there for a moment. “It was stupid. I shouldn’t have grabbed it, alright? I’m not going. Please, let’s just finish sorting this stuff.”

Michael sighed, before walking to stand right in front of Jeremy. He searched his eyes. “Jeremy...If this is what you want to do-”

“It’s not.” He cut his boyfriend off. “Look, I just...I don’t know, I was going through my options. And anyway, it’s too expensive. We could never afford it. And I don’t want to be away from you.” He took Michael’s hands, intertwining their fingers. “Please. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But I don’t want to be anywhere in this world if I’m not beside you.”

Michael couldn’t help but smile. He cupped Jeremy’s cheek, bringing him in for a gentle kiss. He pulled back after a moment, keeping his eyes closed as they pressed their foreheads together. They stood like that for a moment before Michael finally pulled back. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

-

“You told him you weren’t even considering it?” Christine asked over the phone. “Jeremy, you can’t just lie.”

“It wasn’t a lie.” He laid out on his bed, watching his ceiling fan move above his head. He breathed in, and out. “When we talked, I realized that it was dumb for me to even look into it. I belong here with Michael and that’s that.”

He could feel Christine giving him a look. “That’s not healthy but okay.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, stretching his body. “It’s fine. Michael and I have always talked about somewhere in the city, and we’re so close to NYC that it would be dumb for me not to think about what they have to offer for their musical theatre programs.”

“But you  _ have _ thought about it. Jere, you’ve searched high and low.”

“Yeah, but I should go back to that.” He bit his lip. “Besides, New York has Broadway. That’s more of where I want to be. If I go to California it’ll be just TV acting.”

“Okay, that’s also super false.” Christine switched out the pen she was using in her notebook from blue to red. “California has a mixture of theatre and TV acting. And it wouldn’t limit you as much to one single thing.”

“Stop being logical.” Jeremy shook his head. “It’s annoying.”

“You not telling Michael the truth is annoying.” Christine shot back calmly. “And he’s going to find out eventually.”

“He has nothing to find out, Chris.” Jeremy argued. “Can we please talk about something else?”

“Fine. So I’m thinking of some ways we can raise money for this years show…”

-

Jeremy laid in between Michael’s legs as they both watched TV, curled into the couch. Michael was running his fingers gently through Jeremy’s curls, Jeremy feeling his eyelids begin to droop as he half-listened to the commercials.

Michael looked down at his boyfriend, smiling. “Tired?”

Jeremy made a small noise in response. “No...Just relaxed…” he felt his eyes betray him as they closed.

Michael chuckled, beginning to sit up. “Come on, let’s go upstairs and take a nap. We don’t have anything planned for the rest of the day anyways.” He gently pulled back from Jeremy, who rubbed his eyes but followed as his boyfriend got up.

They held hands after Michael switched off the TV, walking up the stairs to Jeremy’s bedroom.

Jeremy entered his room, sliding under the covers as Michael turned off the lights. He felt Michael follow him into his bed, letting out a small sigh as he was pulled towards Michael’s chest.

Jeremy suddenly felt a wave of guilt as he looked up at Michael. Michael was looking at him like he was the most precious thing in the world, eyes filled with love as he kissed Jeremy’s forehead. 

Why was he guilty? He didn’t want to leave Michael, he knew that. He wanted to stay and spend forever with him and share a dorm or even an apartment as they found their way through school. It was a whole year away too.

So why was he still thinking about California?

“Hey.” Michael caught his attention. Instead of love in his eyes, there was now confusion. “Everything alright _mahal_?” 

Jeremy took a second. He shook his head, before feeling tears well up in his eyes.

Michael automatically shot up, gently pulling Jeremy with him. Jeremy pressed his face to Michael’s chest, letting out small sobs that were muffled by Michael’s shirt.

He wanted to leave. He wanted to go to California. He knew it wasn’t realistic, and he knew he would have to be away from Michael. 

He was going to hurt him. 

Jeremy cried harder. How could he do this? How could he  _ feel  _ this? Michael did everything for him. He cared for him when no one else did. He listened to Jeremy about his stupid teenage problems. He was there when his mom left. He even forgave Jeremy after he took the Squip and left Michael behind.

Michael didn’t deserve any of it.

Michael pulled back, wiping away Jeremy’s tears. “Hey, breathe with me…” he said gently. “In. Two, three, four… Good. Out. Two, three, four…”

Jeremy kept hold of Michael’s hands, trying to breathe when told. His tears came to a slow after a while, and his breathing became more relaxed.

He let out a small sniff, Michael brushing a stray curl behind his ear.

Michael bit his lip. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy glanced up, before letting out a sigh. “The...The pamphlet,” he said quietly. “I...I want to go.” he whispered.

Even though it was the middle of Summer, the air was cold in his room. Jeremy felt goosebumps line his arms as he waited for Michael to say something. Anything. He could scream at him, shake him, cry. Just anything at all to let him know he was listening.

Michael didn’t say anything.

“I know it’s stupid. I know there are plenty of places where I could get my musical theatre degree in the city. But I just want something new. Something that’s my own.” Jeremy shook his head. “I know that’s dumb. God, I don’t even have the money to do something like that, I… I’m so sorry, Michael. Please believe it’s not because of us.” 

Michael was still quiet.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to go to college with you and be roommates and all those other things. I still want that, but I know it’s not realistic when we want to be in different places.” Jeremy began to feel tears racing down his cheeks again. “I’m so, so sorry. It’s so selfish-”

“It’s not.” Michael finally spoke up. He shook his head. “Jeremy, none of this is dumb. Or selfish. What’s selfish is me telling you that you can’t go to your choice college because you have to stay here with me.” He sighed. “And...yeah, money is a big deal. But I bet you haven’t even looked into any sort of financial aid. I’m sure there’s a way you can go and not be swimming in debt when you leave if you look in the right places.”

Jeremy just stared at him.

“Look, Jere…” Michael took a small breath “all I want is for you to be happy. And it’s obvious that this new adventure in California is what is going to make you happy. So it’s okay. I’m not angry. I’m sad, of course, because we’ll have to try long distance, but…this is what you want, babe. Don’t turn away from it because of me.”

Jeremy blinked, hot tears still sliding down his face. He took in what Michael was saying, before whimpering. “Michael…”

Michael opened his arms, Jeremy falling into them. Jeremy began to shake as he cried, both of relief and sadness that he and Michael would be going in different directions after they graduated. He had never seen it as a reality before. 

Michael rubbed Jeremy’s back, fighting his own tears as he held the love of his life in his arms. 

He didn’t want to let go. 

They fell asleep like that, holding each other tightly as they dreamed. They would deal with the details when they woke up. For now, they needed rest. 

They needed each other.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is probably gonna flop lol but I like it so whatever
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want @princelouwilliam


End file.
